porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
