So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Where did you get a picture of my penis
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
