The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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