why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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