I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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