dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
i've created a new STD.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
