His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
