You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
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i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
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Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
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