You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
40s are totally the cure
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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