Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
we're making bets on your personal life
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Randomize
