why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
