Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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