the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
