They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Randomize
