just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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