Only a mothe r could love this liver
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
