He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
