Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
