When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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