i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
