She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
