Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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