Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I AM VODKA MAN
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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