FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
