somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
