i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
