I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
