ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Randomize
