i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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