i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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