I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
my poor anus
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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