with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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