I am puke
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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