You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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