i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
