do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
