wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
