Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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