I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
