The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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