Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Come on in and take your pants off
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