i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
