Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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