he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
