i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
