I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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