Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
