We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
The best revenge is premature balding
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
