It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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