..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
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