New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
