This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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