we made out on top of his cat.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
