You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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