This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
it's great music for shaving your balls
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
