he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
