I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
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