I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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