Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
