Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
