somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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